Thursday, September 17, 2009

Letters to Someone

My friend Amanda does these letters every Thursday and I laugh and laugh every single week. Having some extra pent up frustration myself this week, I am jumping on her band wagon and capturing her McLinky. Here are my Letters to Someone:

Dear Alarm Clock ~

You are evil and rude. It's still dark outside, I'm snuggled up to the one and I love and there you go blasting your noise to the world. Do you know what it takes to cover the circles under these eyes every damn morning? Is it possible that we could make a deal? You nudge me gently with a warm cup of coffee in your hand and I let you live another day. Deal?

Quite Grudgingly Yours,
The Truly Tired Mama Who's Life You're Ruining

Dear Fundraising Chairperson ~

Bless your heart. I know you signed up for your post because everyone needs something to do. But, my goodness. Really? We all pay an obscene amount of money each month for our neatly pressed, uniform clad angels to occupy the hallowed halls of their school AND we additionally pay a stipend that guarantees the school fundraising dollars. Do you really think I am going to haul my kids around the neighborhood in a wagon to peddle chocolate covered peanuts and curling ribbon? Please get a clue and stop sending home notes. I'm losing patience. And by the way, my gift wrap is from Target. They have great patterns and it goes on sale. Often. Back off.

Charmed, I'm sure,
On the Way to Destitute and Homeless with Well Educated Children

Dear Sophia ~

Oh princess . . . First the hair. Not a cool move, but I had to let it slide. Anyone who says "because I want to look like Grandma" is bound to get off the hook. You clever girl. But the disasterous morning routine every single day is getting old. School starts at the same time each weekday morning and sleeping an extra half hour won't fly. Also, you wear the same thing every day. A meltdown over exactly which pair of white socks are most comfortable is unacceptable. My heart hurts all day after I scream at you, but a girl can only take so much. Pretend like you love the socks and no one gets hurt. Capish?

Much Love,
Your Rapidly Losing Patience Hairdresser and Laundress

Dear Kramer & Kate ~

You idiots are starting to get to me in a very big way. I know that we're dog people and we take photos of you just like you're our children, but come on. You know there's nothing in the lunch box when you drag it out of the backpack, but then you haul it under the table to eat the empty ziploc bag. I know that Costco dog food has more nutritional value than that and the holes in the lunch box are a little ghetto. Just because I don't stomp on your paws when you're sleeping doesn't mean I don't notice. You should start being more careful. I hear Michael Vick is home again and looking for new companions. Hmm mm - get it?

Puppy Dog Kisses to You Both

If you've got something to say to someone special you can head over to ShortMama's and link up, too. It feels good!!


shortmama said...

I love your letters!! Im trying to think of a way now to train my alarm clock to wake me with that would be impressive! Thanks for joining in!

Dabalack Family said...

I love it and you!!

Perfectly Phillips said...

OMG these are just way too funny! You crack me up to no end. Thank you for being an inspiration to me through your blog --you also make me feel like I'm not as crazy as my family thinks I and I should write a book...i think it would be hilarious! Thanks for always giving me new ideas of things to write about!!! Hope your weekend is awesome, b/c it sounds like your week wasn't that great...

MiMi said...

How cute are you?! These letters are great! :)


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