Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Poker Face

This one . . .

is going to break my heart.

The question is not "if" it will happen.  Unfortunately the questions are only around when it will happen and how much she will hurt herself in the process.

She is going to make my cry so much more than she will ever actually cry.  What gene is that?  And even more importantly, how do her Dad and I help her through?

We had a VERY serious conversation at our house tonight about being honest and saying things that could hurt other people without regard for their feelings or the consequences.  In the scheme of the whole wide world that seems pretty important.  She is only eight and I understand that there are limitations to her scope, but seriously {!!!!!} it was a big deal.  I absolutely know she got it.  Yet, there she sat.  Stone faced and silent. 

I took away television for six weeks.  That's not a typo.  No TV until Halloween.  And then she had to call her BFF's Mom to say she wasn't going to be able to come to her birthday party on Sunday.

"Hi Mrs. L.  It's the Princess.  I am sorry, but I can't come to BFFs birthday because I was dishonest."

Insert Charlie Brown talk track here, I only heard one side.

"Yes, I lost the privilege.  I am so sorry I won't be able to make it."

More Charlie Brown.  I need to get the recap.

"OK, bye."

That was it.  No quivering lip.  No crocodile tears.  No tantrums and begging.  No mad dash to the yard to cut flowers and say how sorry she was and that she desperately wanted to make things right.

Total poker face.

She finished her chores, brushed her teeth and went to bed. 

And here I sit aching for her.  I want to hold her and hear her say that she is sorry for her actions.  I want her to care about the world and herself as much as I care about her.  I want her beautiful little face to show something.  Anything.  Anything besides nothing.

I'm not a gambler, but I'll bet this is going to hurt a lot.

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