High Touch

When you were an infant you screamed most of every day and every night.  Your pediatrician said you were "high touch" and that I should hold you all day long if that's what you wanted.  

That didn't go so well for us back then, but I can't believe that it's been six whole years since that really long, hot summer when you were brand new to your Daddy and me.

You're six today and I would give anything for you to let me hold you all day.  But that's not who you are as your six year old self.  You are so much bolder and stronger than the startled infant who couldn't get comfortable in the world.

This year you've taken on a whole new sense of yourself and where you fit in.  I marvel at your ability to follow your own path and resist accepting something just because someone else is doing it.  I hope you'll hold on to that all your life.

This year you blossomed as a big cousin to sweet little B and as the outfielder for your brother's fly balls.  It's so sweet to see your interest in your family and spending time doing what they want to do.

This year you learned how to play checkers, chess and backgammon.  You are a quick thinker and you definitely have the Montoya competitive streak in you.  Go baby go!

This year you discovered a love for reading.  Your favorite books are If You Take a Mouse to the Movies and Miss Nelson is Missing!  I love reading to you, but love it even more when you want to read to me. 

This year you got even prettier than you were before.  My Nanny used to tell me that "pretty is is pretty does" and you are showing me that.  You look darling in your girly girl outfits and your sparkly new earrings, but there is a new light shining in you that makes you even more beautiful.

This year you helped me grow as a Mom.  I learned that being a role model isn't about always saying the right thing in the right situation, it's about trying to be the best version of myself every day.  I am completely overwhelmed and flattered that someone wants to be like me and that God gave me that someone in you.

This year you were anything but high touch, but in my heart you will always be that fragile little angel that needs to be soothed.  You make me so proud and your Daddy and I love you beyond words.

Happy 6th Birthday, Princess.

This year you're the star!

Who's Your Daddy?

This is my Daddy.  I am a little biased, but I think he is adorable.  And he loves me an awful lot.  That makes me a very, very lucky girl.  He is still living.  And he's not sick.  And he has a wife that he loves and that loves him back.  Those things make me all the luckier.

Happy Father's Day!

No more pencils. no more books . . .

The last day of school is upon us and it's bittersweet.  While it's a welcome reprieve from the tight scheduling around homework, baseball practice and squeezing in a bath every now and then; it's also a little sad for a Mama who is watching her kids grow up way too fast.  They have both finished a complete chapter in their life.  I am so proud and so sad at the same time.  The hours and days aren't long enough.  Ever.

A keepsake for my children in honor of their last day of school.

Dear Princess -

You finished the school year.  Your very first year in school, with one teacher AND the same uniform every day.  I am so proud of you my baby girl.  I know you saw me crying at your little celebration this week and I appreciate you letting me do it.  On days like those it's hard for me to contain my feelings for you. 

I am genuinely blown away that this is where we are right now.  Right at this time in June six years ago I was still fretting that you weren't going to be OK.  We'd been on bedrest together for 17 weeks already and you and I were barely hanging in there.  I had no idea how strong and fierce you were.  I would have worried less and enjoyed the lying around a little more.

This school year has proven what a force you are and makes me immensely proud for you.  You don't love to tell me what's going on; in fact your favorite word is "nothing", but Mrs. Nelson is super good at checking email and letting me know what's happening.  You may not know this, but I like her almost as much as you do.  She has been just right for you this year.  At your awards ceremony she named you "Future CEO" in honor of your keen smarts and your organizational skills.  She also said you were artistic, considerate and a great reader. 

Well, well little one.  Maybe I should take some comfort in the fact that you save the sassy and the stubborn all for me.  You just keep doing what you're doing and I will work out how to handle you + me.  I will listen to you read Big Egg a million times and keep you stocked in hair bows and sparkly shoes.  I am slowly learning that maybe that's the best I can do for now.

Happy Summer and almost Happy Birthday.  Every school year that ends will remind me of how that one June felt and I have a great feeling that every year will make that seem even more like a bad dream that never happened.   You are one in a million and I am so grateful God gave you to me.

All My Love,

Mom

Dear Athlete -

You leave me speechless almost all of the time.  I hurt when you hurt and I am overjoyed when you're happy. We don't need to speak about it mostly because it feels the same to both of us.  I know how sad you are that 2nd grade is over.  I am equally as sad.  But I also know you're just a little excited for all the good things that are coming up for you.  Me too.

This was your banner year, Punky.  Miss Brown is the teacher that you will remember for your whole life.  If you're extra lucky there may be one more, but she will always be the most special to you.  I am sure of it.  From sharing her favorite books with you to helping you firmly establish yourself in religious life she is the most positive role model you've ever had and she truly loves you.  That is a real gift.  But not everything great this year is because of her.  You worked very hard and have lots to be proud of.

Your last reading score shows you reading at a level of fourth grade, ninth month.  That's pretty big stuff for a kid that just finished second grade.  Your math scores are all above 90 % and you were accepted into the John Hopkins University Center for Talented Youth.  Oh, and the top notch basketball season, the awards from track and being on the first place team in baseball.  Right.On.Baby.

The sports and the grades and the honors are all really cool.  Really cool.  And your First Reconciliation and First Holy Communion were truly magical for our family. But my very favorite thing about you in your second grade year is what a good friend you are and your unlimited capacity to love.  I've always seen how much you love your family, but have really enjoyed watching you develop friendships that will take you through school.  I am so proud of what a genuinely good person you are.  Congratulations on a great year, big boy.

I love you like crazy,

Mama

Red Sox Rock!

They're eight right?

Exactly how intense can it be? 

If you ask, then you've never seen grown women (and men) act like such complete idiots at a sporting event where half the team still has baby teeth.

Our Pinto 8 baseball team won a nail biting championship game 3-1 tonight.  We left two runners on base for three of the six innings and the last two runs came in the top of the final inning.  Phew!

Someone is awfully proud of their shiny new trophy .  .  . Congratulations, buddy.  I love you

Ten Things

And there it goes again.

A month.

Days and weeks pass and I think things will change, but for now they don't. What seems impossible in reality IS reality and we're doing it. Minute by minute and mostly by the seat of our pants. But we are doing it and one day we'll be better for it.  Faith guides me to know that when we come out on the other side of this (whatever this is) we will be stronger, better and more grateful.

As for May, like every month of my life as Mrs. Montoya and the mom to our kids - I have ten (thousand) things that make me smile. Emmy has some great things to love this month, too. Go see her and sweet little Ryder here

Having somewhere to call home after every long day


My parents


His First Holy Communion

Her sparkling blue eyes and crazy sense of humor

My shiny new iPad!

Sweet little kiddos enjoying the good life

Believing in happily ever after

Seeing someone get his sparkle back



Triple Venti Skinny Vanilla Lattes

Getting away for a long weekend with warm and generous friends

The list goes on and on . . .  Lucky me ~ xoxo

In the Making of the Man take care not to Break the Boy

The teardrops cling to his mile long lashes, but his chin is held so high that they refuse to fall.

The lip is threatening to quiver but the jaw is clenched so tightly that it's not allowed.

It's part defiance.

It's mostly learned behavior.

::sigh::

My first born is eight and has been treated for 7 and 1/2 of those years like he is ten years older.  He has always been wiser and more mature than his little body will truly allow him to fulfill.  In the after-dinner/pre-bedtime swirl of the evening, I see that he simply can't fill the great big shoes we gave him so long ago.

He is a little boy.

He is not an athlete.

He is not a scholar.

He is not perfect.

He is overwhelmed and his heart is bruised.

I am longing to wipe the tears from the velvet of his lashes and hold him tight until he sleeps in my arms.  He needs his Mama to hug him and tell him it's OK. 

I reach for him and he pulls away.

"I love you, buddy".

"G'night, Mom."

He's gone and I am heartbroken.  I need him to let me make it better, but he's learned to do it himself.

We're going to fix that.

Mother's Day and Thank You

I've written this three times today and it never seems to be right. How do you sufficiently honor your Mother and the women who are like your Mother or like a Mother to your own children? I can't get it right.

If nothing else, I make sure that I never forget to say thank you.  Mother's Day may be the best opportunity for it.

THANK YOU

Mama -for loving me unconditionally, even at my most unlovable 15 year old self, and showing me how it feels when everything else is wrong and to still have you standing behind me. I try to imitate you constantly and pray that it's working. Your unfailing love is a precious gift that will carry on long after you and me.

My treasured Mother-in-law -- for the care you gave to raising your Son. He is more than I could ever ask for as a husband and father to your grandchildren. No man treats a woman so well if he doesn't love his Mother first.  You mean the world to me, but even more to him and them.   How lucky we are that you're you.

Lana - I hate calling you that, but I was just so dang old when you blessed us I am not sure what else will work. I can't call you my Stepmom. It sounds nothing like what you deserve. You are a Saint and a treasure. Our lives are infinitely better because you're in them.

My West Coast cousins & aunts . . . For never making me feel like an outsider. Every toast, every laugh, every tear is cherished and loved. I'm the luckiest "new girl" ever.

My Sisters - God didn't give my parents another daughter. I'm sure that was grace at it's finest.  But He gave you to me.  Years later, decades later, several years ago. Whenever, wherever, you know who you are.  You inspire me, you humble me, you make the good days better and the hard days more manageable.  My love for you is deep and my admiration is deeper. 

My Babies - You are ridiculous.  I spend every day intermittently yelling at you, begging you to do chores and cracking up laughing at you both.  In the very same moment you can make me crazy and make my heart soar.  You are my soul and my light.  THANK YOU for choosing me to be your Mom.  I am honored and blessed by every minute you give me and never, ever forget to give Thanks for the most important gifts in my life.  Today was perfect.  Tomorrow will be another story.  But I'll always be your Mama.

Happy Mother's Day

No Greater Love

Our precious son received his First Holy Communion today.  I am completely in awe of God's power and the grace that he lends to us through the eyes of children.  Some of the most special moments of my entire life happened on this stunning spring Sunday.

Thank you dear Lord

Thank you for that little boy and for giving his Dad and me the strength to guide him and teach him about your unconditional love

Thank you for filling our home with a generous and loving family

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you

The Athlete with his Godfather

Absolutely busting at the seams with excitement

So proud and honored to be his parents

God Bless you sweet angels