Thursday, May 13, 2010

In the Making of the Man take care not to Break the Boy

The teardrops cling to his mile long lashes, but his chin is held so high that they refuse to fall.

The lip is threatening to quiver but the jaw is clenched so tightly that it's not allowed.

It's part defiance.

It's mostly learned behavior.

::sigh::

My first born is eight and has been treated for 7 and 1/2 of those years like he is ten years older.  He has always been wiser and more mature than his little body will truly allow him to fulfill.  In the after-dinner/pre-bedtime swirl of the evening, I see that he simply can't fill the great big shoes we gave him so long ago.

He is a little boy.

He is not an athlete.

He is not a scholar.

He is not perfect.

He is overwhelmed and his heart is bruised.

I am longing to wipe the tears from the velvet of his lashes and hold him tight until he sleeps in my arms.  He needs his Mama to hug him and tell him it's OK. 

I reach for him and he pulls away.

"I love you, buddy".

"G'night, Mom."

He's gone and I am heartbroken.  I need him to let me make it better, but he's learned to do it himself.

We're going to fix that.

17 comments:

MiMi said...

Beautifully written and horribly sad, friend!
What happened to the poor lil guy? I mean, like sports or something? You can tell me to mind my own business! LOL

Emmy said...

This is so sad! It is so easy to think of the oldest as older than they really are and they grow way too fast.

He & Me + 3 said...

Oh precious thing. I have one like that too. It does hurt for both parent and child. You are a great writer.

shortmama said...

Awww makes me hurt for him...and for you!

Alyssa said...

Beautifully written post. It's so hard not to be able to fix everything for our children. And, truly, it's so easy to think at times they're older than they are. Even at four I've been guilty of that with my daughter.

It ain't easy being a mom!

JennyMac said...

Beautiful and fantastic to consider now. I know a boy who grew up that way and his parents never realized. He was always trying to live up to a mark.

The Mommyologist said...

I am already sad about my little boy getting older! He is only four now, so he still loves to cuddle, but I know that these days are going to be over before I know it!

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

This is written with such love...and so beautifully expressed. Hugs to both of you.

Darcie said...

Thank you so much for your comment yesterday. Coming over to follow!

Couldn't help but have my heartbreak when I read this post. I completely understand where you are coming from...having to boys myself. Why do our boys feel like it is a weakness to show tears? Makes our mommy hearts hurt.

Kim said...

That is so sad! I struggle all the time with trying to find a balance between teaching my son to do things on his own and making sure that he knows that I am there when he needs me. It's not easy! I hope that you guys can find a happy medium. Everyone needs some snuggles now and then.

tori said...

Beautifully written! I feel your pain. The worst day of my life was when my oldest was in the hospital and diagnosed with a life altering condition. She laid there in bed sobbing and wouldn't let me hold and comfort her. So hard and heart breaking!

T.J. said...

such powerful words- you've moved us all. I hope it helped you to share :)
my little guy will be 2 in July and I can't even fathom it!

WhisperingWriter said...

Fantastic post. It's obvious that your son is loved.

Tooj said...

Oh my....something I needed to hear. I treat my almost 6 year old as if he's ten years older as well.

I might just go snuggle with him while he sleeps tonight. This post made me sad....but it's a good sad. I needed to read this to remember that my little boy is indeed just that.

Thank you.
:)

Jules said...

I know the feeling. It's tough when they grow up and want to take care of themselves. My son is 23, 200 lbs, and about 6 ft tall and I still want to pick him up and "make it better" when he's going through a tough time.

Helene said...

Awww, this post definitely tugs at the heart strings! I can imagine it's just as hard for you, as his mother, seeing him trying to be so strong!

Crystal Escobar said...

oh, that brings a tear to my eye :( And so beautifully written.

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