It's been many, many moons since that summer. I've grown up an awful lot in the last twenty years and I've developed an awful lot of respect for my parents. I am, however, still a little "too big for my britches" sometimes and don't reach out to my parents for help very often. Independence is a big part of who I am. Stubborn plays a pretty big part, too. Not asking for help is not my favorite thing about myself and I am still learning not to take offense when my Mama says "I'm worried about you". My instinct is "awww come on, not again. I am fine!"
The dialogue in my head sounds just like this - - -
"Do not worry about me. I AM too busy, but it's a choice I've made and I'm fine."
"I am tough. I am happy. I will catch up on sleep sometime in the next six years. I am fine."
"My kids are healthy. E is so good to me. I can see the ocean from the kitchen. I am fine."
And the truth is that I am fine.
Like that same sassy girl that couldn't wait to move into her first apartment I don't want anyone else in my beeswax. Especially my Mom. But I am twenty years better than that and I don't regret my manic rambling truth like I might have before. If nothing else,the blog is a time capsule for our family and an outlet for me.
But more than anything I am grateful for the love and concern of my parents. I have friends who have lost their parents and I absolutely know they would give anything for their Mom to tell them to take care. Or for their Dad to tell them one more time that he never hears from them. I am so very grateful my parents loved me long enough to see past the selfish, defiant girl I was and are still willing to love the tired, somewhat weary woman I am at this moment. It is only a moment. You can count on that.
I am fine, Mama and I love you so much. You are very welcome in my beeswax.
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