Thanks to Facebook, Instagram and even the occasional IPC (in person chat) with a girlfriend I realize that I am not the complete lunatic that I sometimes think I am as a Mother. I mean, sometimes I behave like a lunatic but it's not a chronic condition. There's only so much you can do to protect yourself against the necessary lunacy required against a strong willed, sharp tongued nine year old girl. Seriously, this girl could have pushed Mother Teresa to the edge.
So yesterday there was an email that circulated to school families about an Emergency Lock Down that happened on campus. The message was brief but the closing message was that the suspect was removed without incident. I was relieved and crushed all in the same sentence. Relieved that no one in our school family was harmed and crushed that this is the place in time that we live. Even in our tiny, parochial school, ocean view bubble on the Western edge of the continent. The kids filled us in after basketball that hard lock down meant that they turned off the lights, couldn't speak and all action stopped in anticipation of someone who shouldn't be in their hallways being there. Even to type the words brings big, fat tears to my eyes. I love that my kids are protected and hate that I am raising them in a world that even knows the words "Hard Lock Down". The ultra crazy Mama Bear in me wants to run far and fast to somewhere . . . underground maybe . . . that things like this don't happen and eat ice cream and play board games with my sweet people all day for the rest of our lives. Lunatic. I know.
And, on the flipside of my lunacy a mere 18 hours later was me turning around in the middle of the street and driving my daughter home to ask her Dad for a ride to school after she lied to me about her school uniform. The uniform wasn't such a big deal, but I have a zero tolerance policy on dishonesty and I simply couldn't tolerate the disrespect. In hindsight, she will grow up and tell her therapist what a crazy bat I was always flying off the handle and doing super dramatic things like dropping her on the front porch and telling her to figure it out, but she can truly get to me like no one else can.
All of that has been eating at me while I am home sick today and the bottom line is that even though I'm a wee bit crazy there is nothing in the world I want more than to send wonderful humans into the world from our home. I want to protect them from lock downs, drunk drivers, sun damage and mostly themselves and send them to their futures overly prepared and flourishing in the cruelness of the world. Several hours of downtime haven't given me the answers to exactly how to do that so I'll just hold onto my lunatic card for now. Sorry, Bob!