Letters to Someone

Dear Post Office Patron ~

I will apologize in advance for my crankiness.  We have already identified just how UnFun I am, but your kids are truly atrocious.  Now I know that kids do the craziest things and will embarrass you at just the wrong moment every.single.time but I am pretty sure you weren't embarrassed and this wasn't a random occurence for your family.  The screaming.  The running.  The pulling out all the paper numbers and making a mess for someone else to clean (yup, the one you stepped over when you walked out and called to them over your shoulder).  Even when I am fun, that's not cool.  You're going to need to leave them in their cages next time you go out or dispense to everyone you encounter that oblivious pill you're taking.  It's the only way.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Horrified on Your Behalf

Dear Gray Hair ~

You are not welcome here.  You know I have had to cancel my last couple of salon appointments and you keep mutliplying anyway.  I am not as young as I used to be still young.  Too young for you to be raising such a large family on my scalp.  I know that I would make a groovy Cruella Deville for Halloween, but since it's only January I was hoping you could back off.  Or, ya know, just go away all together.  That would be nice.

See Ya!

The Young Pretty Girl who Doesn't Dye Her Hair

Dear Dogs ~

Y'all are seriously getting on my nerves.  I know you don't love the rain and would rather be outside chasing birds or something, but life is hard sometimes.  I can't rant about how bad you smell because I am too damn lazy to bathe you myself and too busy to take you to the groomers.  I'll let you off the hook there.  But the lounging around every corner of the house and refusing to move even when someone is tripping over you with a a bag of groceries or hot pan is not nice.  That is not good dog behavior.  Please stay in your own plush space and I won't be so tempted to throw your asses out in the rain.  This is your last chance to be loyal companions!

Mwah,

Yo Mama

Dear Social Life ~

I miss you.  Please don't forget about me.

With Love,

Mrs. Montoya

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