Thursday, February 11, 2010

Letters to Someone

Dear Post Office Patron ~

I will apologize in advance for my crankiness.  We have already identified just how UnFun I am, but your kids are truly atrocious.  Now I know that kids do the craziest things and will embarrass you at just the wrong moment every.single.time but I am pretty sure you weren't embarrassed and this wasn't a random occurence for your family.  The screaming.  The running.  The pulling out all the paper numbers and making a mess for someone else to clean (yup, the one you stepped over when you walked out and called to them over your shoulder).  Even when I am fun, that's not cool.  You're going to need to leave them in their cages next time you go out or dispense to everyone you encounter that oblivious pill you're taking.  It's the only way.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Horrified on Your Behalf

Dear Gray Hair ~

You are not welcome here.  You know I have had to cancel my last couple of salon appointments and you keep mutliplying anyway.  I am not as young as I used to be still young.  Too young for you to be raising such a large family on my scalp.  I know that I would make a groovy Cruella Deville for Halloween, but since it's only January I was hoping you could back off.  Or, ya know, just go away all together.  That would be nice.

See Ya!

The Young Pretty Girl who Doesn't Dye Her Hair

Dear Dogs ~

Y'all are seriously getting on my nerves.  I know you don't love the rain and would rather be outside chasing birds or something, but life is hard sometimes.  I can't rant about how bad you smell because I am too damn lazy to bathe you myself and too busy to take you to the groomers.  I'll let you off the hook there.  But the lounging around every corner of the house and refusing to move even when someone is tripping over you with a a bag of groceries or hot pan is not nice.  That is not good dog behavior.  Please stay in your own plush space and I won't be so tempted to throw your asses out in the rain.  This is your last chance to be loyal companions!

Mwah,

Yo Mama




Dear Social Life ~

I miss you.  Please don't forget about me.

With Love,

Mrs. Montoya

You can link up for Letters to Someone every Thursday with Shortmama and all her letter writing friends.

18 comments:

f8hasit said...

Okay...so how did you get my letter to my social life?
:-)

LOVE the letters!
The young girl inside me under my gray hairs wants out as well.

Erin said...

I always thought grey hair didn't appear til much later. I was wrong. I've had it for years. I get highlights to help hide them, though.

And my dog is going to the groomer's today because I am lazy and stressed out and he reeks. I suck.

Sir Thomas AKA (Winters Reaper) said...

I love those two puppies.....

Emmy said...

I hate the post office, my kids are definitely not that bad at it, but one of them always manages to do something they should not... and speaking of I have to go there today, doh!

shortmama said...

Gray hair? Yeah I dont have any of that either!

Dabalack Family said...

love your letters, thanks for putting a smile on my face. Let me know when you find social life as I would love to join you!! :)

♥Georgie♥ said...

LOL...I share your social life! I always enjoy these dear so n so letters!!!

Desert Rose said...

Social life? What is that?

I dye my hair just cause I like a different color...ya, that's my reason, mmm hmm.

April said...

Our cats do the same thing. Except I can't throw them outside because of the dogs that are out there.

Tyne said...

You are too cute. I have SO much freakin' gray hair and can't afford to have it done at a salon every four weeks- so it has been Nice and Easy 116 for me for YEARS!

MiMi said...

But those dogs are stinkin' cute!!

He & Me + 3 said...

I trip over my doggie all the time...she likes my feet. LOL
I have so many grays I quit writing them letters. LOL I just color them every month. big fun.

tattytiara said...

But they trip you to show how much they love you! At least that's what I choose to believe to prevent petocide.

Tara said...

I came by earlier today but got sidetracked when my M-I-L rang the doorbell. Believe me, I would have rather left you a comment instead of entertaining her. Anyway, your letter to the post office patron...Amen sister! People are so rude and downright disrespectful. If you don't mind your kids acting like that, keep them home. However, I do mind. Ughhh!

Anonymous said...

Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

Alyssa said...

That was too cute. And I would have commented sooner but I, too, was exhausted after the post office and busy counting my gray hairs. Pretty soon I'll be counting the brown ones.

Anonymous said...

Dear Nice Mr. Furnace Installer - I know you spent half a day Friday and another half a day Saturday installing my insanely expensive furnace, and you were beyond polite (your compatriot quiet - excellent!), but it doesn't work.

53 degrees in the house is not appropriate. My cats are now catsicles and pipes sure to freeze soon.

Please help.
Much love and an already written VERY LARGE check,

Ms. Goosebump

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