Thursday, December 10, 2009

Letters to Someone

Dear Loony Bin ~

My name is Kim.  I work about 60 hours a week, write a halfass blog and am a basketball widow to two elementary school children who have a Christmas pageant this week.  My shopping's not done, my house is not clean and I could work an extra 60 hours this week and still not be done.  Do you think that I could get a free trial pass to your fine establishment?  You know, test the padded walls and the special attire - no strings attached?  I can be there tomorrow and would like to cut a deal with you before I am shipped there without recourse.  Give me a call.  You can reach me at 555-LOST

Most Sincerely,
Miss May Need Meds Soon

Dear Darling Boy ~

Your candor is one of my favorite things about you. Mostly.  But we'll need to start working on your censor button and timing during the holiday break.  Like when I was filming you during your customs presentation and your teacher was extolling the virtues of your Grandpa making your ceppo by hand and how nice it was that you could spend time with him and work on your project.  You didn't HAVE TO SAY "no, he made it by himself while we were out shopping."  Timing and censorship, sweetie.  And we don't really need to send back our Christmas cards.  The printer didn't "mess up our faces".  That's an outdoor glow on our cheeks.  And sweat.  Remember the ten mile hike? And how it looks like we're sitting in the tops of trees because we WALKED THERE!!!!!  You are precious, but you gotta learn how to zip it.  We'll work on it together.

I Do Love You,
Your Mama

Sweet Angel Girl,

Have I gotten through to you at all that the Christmas pageant in the sanctuary is a religious event?  And you being an angel shouldn't be a total facade . . .  I appreciate that Mrs. Nelson thinks a simple costume is best and that we can add garland to an old tee shirt.  However, just because my smallest tee shirt has some give in it for you, there's no reason to go poking your shoulder out of the neck and trying to turn your performance into Flashdance.  I think it's charming that your halo is slightly crooked, but you're really starting to get to me.  You're five and you're going to stay five for as long as I can keep you there.  There must be a one in front of the five for you to act like this.  And there's not.  You're mine.  Straighten up.

Break A Leg and Sing Like An Angel.  A Tiny, Innocent Angel.

Dear Christmas Tree ~

I love you.  You make me unconditionally happy amidst all the other chaos.  Thank you for being with us again this year.  We are very, very lucky.

Just Shy of a Scrooge

Letters to Someone happen around here every Thursday.  You can visit Shortmama to be part of the fun.


Tyne said...

Whoa, you're up early! And still not getting it all done? See you at the loony bin, I'll bring the wine. You bring the Christmas tree. We'll preset our discharge date for Jan 3 2010.

Emmy said...

Love these letters! And you are a wonderful blogger. I love reading your blog.

What a good idea, for the kids to actually be angels... if only :)

♥Georgie♥ said...

I will be sitting right beside you in the loony bin!!!

I always enjoy your dear letters!

MiMi said...

Make sure when you get to the Loony Bin that you ask for a room near ME!!! :)

shortmama said...

60 hours a week??? Im feeling for ya...deeply! I will stop complaining about how much I have to do!

meredith said...

new to your blog and going to follow RIGHT NOW!! you have such a beautiful family and a great blog! :) AND thanks for following me! :)

June Freaking Cleaver said...

I hear that the straitjackets are SO slimming...

Do not fret. You'll get done what you can, and everyone will fail to notice what you missed.

It's all good.

Menopausal New Mom said...

What a great idea. I bet I could find a lot of people and things to write to around here especially this time of year! BTW, your daughter is striking!!! What a cutie pie!

Erin said...

Hi there! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog--I'm here to return the favor.

I LOVE the loony bin letter. If they let you in, can I be your +1?!?! PLEASE??

P.S. I'm your newest follower!

JennyMac said...

Your Flashdance comment brought the biggest smile to my go little diva. I mean, remember it is about Baby Jesus. :)

minor catastrophes said...

You're five and you're gonna stay five — Love It! What a beautiful little girl...

shortmama said...

I have an award for ya!

Kasey said...

aren't we all supposed to make a visit to the loony bin this time of year. I just thought it was tradition- maybe it's only mine.

Tooj said...

MY 5 year old pulls the Flashdance move, and he's a BOY! What is WITH that?????

Of course, we make no pretense with halos and costumes. He's no angel. He's adorable, but no angel. :)


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