Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out: Wacky or Worried??

Adult Male: "What's your name?"

The Princess: "Bob"

Adult Male {smiling}: "Nice to meet you Bob.  Do I know your parents?"

The Princess {deadpan}: "I don't have parents.  I am an orphan."

Adult Male {smiling wider}: "Oh really now?  Well who brought you to the party?"

The Princess {deadpan}: "I was in the neighborhood.  I came for the food."

Is she funny?  Mostly she is REALLY funny.  She can be unbelievably dry and alternately wild and hilarious. 

But sometimes I worry that she uses humor to cover up insecurity.  And sometimes she's not funny at all.  She can be mean.  And intentionally hurtful.  And I worry that she's hurting and doesn't know how to ask for help.  She's only 6.

Concerned Adult:  "She is really developing an odd sense of humor lately."

Me {feigning ignorance}:  "Oh, really?"

Concerned Adult: "Someone asked her today where The Athlete was and she said he was dead."

Me: "Oh.  Oh.  Really?  Oh.  Really?"

I don't exactly know what the appropriate response is to that but I am starting to worry about my girl.  A lot.

Butterflies and rainbows.  Frilly dresses with matching hair ribbons.  Patent leather mary janes with ruffled ankle socks and a bonnet on Easter.

My idealized vision of a little girl is NOT what my daughter is and I am mostly OK with that. I want her to be bold and confident and witty. But not creepy. Not alarmingly morbid.  Not someone who I have to worry about where (or who) she's going to turn to for attention when she feels like she's not getting enough from us.

I lay awake at night wondering if I should let it go and just keep doing what I'm doing.  Is she just feeling out her place in the world and she'll be the next Tina Fey?  Or is she hurt and I am failing her horribly and all she knows how to do is cover it up with words and wit?  Maybe I should be wrapping her up with all the love I can stand and begging her to share her darkest secrets with me.

If I had the answer I would pursue it whole heartedly and wouldn't need to Pour My Heart Out on my blog.  But I don't.


Jenn @ South of Sheridan said...

I wish I had an answer for this, too. Have you tried bringing it up to her? Maybe her reactions will shed more light on everything. *hugs*

Shell said...

She sounds like an extremely bright girl.

She would make me laugh.

But, maybe the next time that she says something that you feel is inappropriate, you can bring it up with her, in a gentle way? Let her know that it hurts someone's feelings?

Emmy said...

Yes agree with what the others said and sometimes kids do go through a stage with fascinations of death or divorce or other big things, it is sometimes just part of figuring life out.

Heather said...

I think that most children that age go through a morbid/death phase. This is probably just her way of going through it. I would just use it as a way of talking about being socially appropriate. As long as everything else seems fine I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I like her witty attitude. My 4 year old often comes up with the most sarcastic comments!

Anonymous said...

I feel for you on this. It is so hard when it comes to our kids. If only we had a way to read their little minds.

Good luck.

Rachel Murphy said...

Don't you just wish they came with instructions. lol I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. I have 4 and each one is so different from the others it can get very confusing and frustrating but it also comes with great rewards. I would give this advice if her behavior is offensive or hurtful, correct it like you would anything else. If not give her room to discover her own personality I am sure she will surprise you.

I wanted just as you described your ideal little girl too... and out of 3 I got none of that from just one but a little bit from all 3. But what I did get was 3 strong (in their own ways) girls who know who they are. Sometimes it is SOOO hard to let them be who they want to be instead of who I want them to be... But that is what real love is. I wish you peace in this hard time.


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